only a constant reminder

I swear I'm actually in a fairly warm and fuzzy mood, even sans snow.
However, some recent developments and recent exposure to what is in terms of my families help do linger and cause me to prematurely worry about my own decay.
My sister was recently diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.  I got away with a diagnosis of benign hyper mobility but only by a hair.  We're both double jointed and crack out knuckles like no other but A, her situation is much worse.  She has nearly all of the major symptoms, from the stretchy skin to double jointed knees, joint dislocation, and early arthritis.
What brought about my worry was what happened today.  Mom woke her up and she startled a little but then sat up and started crying.  Her arm was twitching like mad.  I asked her what was wrong and she looked up, sniffed back some tears and said one of her vertebra popped out of alignment.  Now I know some of you will say, "if that was the case she would have passed out from the pain," and in some cases I'm sure that happens.  However A lives in constant pain.  She takes up to, and I'm sure sometimes over 6 Ibuprofen a day and if just trying to avoid being prescribed heavy narcotics for pain, despite having been offered the Rx.What happened was the bit that was knocked out of place was pressing on a nerve.  She was able to pop it back into place, with some exercises and movements she got from the doctors we've been seeing.  Her am stopped twitching and she went to take the pills she didn't want to take today.  She was trying to not take all of her pain meds.
Now, how and why does this happen to her?  Well, her collagen is rather weak.  This makes rest difficult since as she gets more fatigued her muscles work extra hard to hold it all together.  Sleep is even harder due to this and makes actual relaxation difficult since it is physically painful.
So, I worry for her but like every other human being I worry for myself as well.  The doctor didn't say I didn't have to worry but he said I was in a more functional state. 
Should I worry that in only a few years time (she's only 2 years my senior) I will be in constant pain and popping painkillers like candy?  I don't know.  I don't want to think about it but...
family is always a constant reminder of what is to come.

(ok, endith the emo-ness/dramatics)

reverting back

I've been home for far too long.  I don't even have to think twice about why I took that trip to Dublin only 5 days after I returned to the midwest to begin with.  I'm back in my old room.  The walls are a new color and the bed frame has changed but it's still full of all my crap.
I feel myself reverting back to how I used to be... bits of highschool angst, fragments of college drama, hell I even had a full blown fight with my mom (no taking swings at each other but we screamed at each other and I told my voice for a few days... not fun and minorly awkward with all of the holiday events and encountering family trying to ask me where my life's at right now).
I'm starting to relax and collect myself again but it's weird.  Sometimes I can feel my hold on the reality I've created for myself outside of this house slip away.  It's funny, aside from a few online interactions with people from my life on the east coast, it sometimes feels like a distant dream.  Not a perfect one, oh no.  New York is anything but perfect.  But it was a life all my own.  One I dictated every second of and I miss that.  I don't know when I'll get back to it or even if getting back to it will even involve returning to NY.  Might pick it up somewhere else and start it off fresh again.  Regardless, my life is dictated by my film right now, as I have the luxury of money in savings and couches to crash on to allow it. 
We'll see how it goes.

back again

Its been about a year and a half since my last post. I'm such a bad blogger when it comes to long term blogs. Anywho what have I been up to recently? Well I moved to NYC and back again, traveled by myself to Ireland and the UK (met up with friends upon arrival but still took overnight trips on my own while my friends went about their work and classes etc.), I returned to working on my documentary (I'll post more on that later), gained a producer and editor for said doc, and I returned home as a base to leap off and return to as to not deal with rent and the cost of flying from one end of the country to the other. The Midwest is quite the useful little travel hub, innit?

Resume Writing/Polishing

My mom's been keeping in touch alot. She remembers what both of my sister's were like after graduation and she's worried about how I'll take to what she referred to as "reality shock." I'm not sure if that even needs to be in quotes but I guess that's because the "reality" feels far too surreal.

the Summer of my Discontent

So I'm all graduated...
I felt that it was right, and I was happy. I walked in the procession in my rose colored glasses grinning like an idiot. I was pretty excited and totally happy about walking across that stage to get my diploma (even though due to the rain they didn't have the diploma in them... had to pick it up after...son of a *grumble grumble*) and I FUCKING LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF THE LONG AS HELL CEREMONY (save waiting 30 minutes in line before the ceremonial bagpipe march).
But now I'm in the aftermath. No longer an undergrad, I'm officially and alumna.
and right now
I'm scared as hell.

so what does the immediate future hold?
I'll still be living around campus, new apartment (summer sublet at least) is just a block away from my old one. I'm working at the place I worked all year for the summer at the very least and I'm trying to plan a vacation. I need an escape, even if I don't have a job for next year lined up, I need time away from this city, this campus, just everything
I want to fall off the radar, at least for a little bit... but I'm actually afraid to travel on my own. Ugh... I'll probably just suck it up and go somewhere.

Just have to figure out where.

quote of the month

"I sooo am the Yoda of exhibition"

mice!

we've caught 5 so far
shit